I’ll let you into a little secret. I’ve had an issue with confidence lately. Not in my ability to do my job, but in putting myself ‘out there’ in order to build my business working with ethical, purpose-led organisations. It’s made me really think about how a lack of confidence can really affect our lives and reduce our ability to reach our true potential.
Confidence is a key inhibitor of performance. We may have the skills and knowledge to do something, and we may want to do it, but often what holds us back is a lack of confidence. You only have to watch any sporting event to see how this key part of our mindset can be the difference between winning gold and coming last.
It’s a belief. It’s not our actual ability, or who we really are, but our own belief in it. And that makes it tricky to manage. Because no matter how often someone might tell you how great you are, until you really believe it yourself, you will struggle with confidence. The great news is that unhelpful beliefs which affect our confidence can be turned into positive beliefs.
When we lack confidence, it’s because a part of our brain is trying to keep us safe by not making mistakes, or making a fool of ourselves, or exposing ourselves to judgement or ridicule. So that little voice in your head will say – ‘Don’t do that, you’ll just sound stupid/ get it wrong/ people will laugh at you/ judge you’ (and other unhelpful things). So, understanding that it is actually a part of our own mindset which is holding us back, can be a helpful starting point, because then we can start to counteract it with positive thoughts and actions.
There are in fact different types of confidence – and we can be confident in one area whilst simultaneously lacking confidence in another.
Confidence ebbs and flows throughout our lives. Lacking confidence isn’t in itself a bad thing, if we can quickly recognise it and use it as an opportunity to learn or develop. However, if it becomes a long-term issue, it can create a very deep seated negative belief which becomes more difficult to change. So quickly spotting the signs within yourself and taking action are key. A quick way to sense- check your confidence levels is simply to ask yourself how confident you feel (in a given situation) out of 10, where 1 is not at all confident and 10 is as confident as you’d ever wish to feel.
Identify what sub-conscious thoughts are negatively affecting how you feel. Once you have made these thoughts conscious, consider how realistic they are. Our minds often catastrophise things (e.g.: no-one will like my presentation…, they’ll think I’m rubbish at my job…, maybe I am rubbish at my job…., maybe I’ll get passed over for future opportunities…, then I won’t be able to pay the mortgage… etc etc). Challenge your mind to look for evidence that both supports this train of thought and evidence against it.
Our strengths are both what we’re good at and what we enjoy doing. When we’re working with our strengths, we feel more energised, more capable and more confident.
Often our brain will think in black and white terms – gone well or hasn’t gone well/ successful or not successful etc. In reality, nothing is truly one way or another. Focus your brain on the journey. Think of each experience as an opportunity to learn and discover. It’s about exploring. Not pass or fail!
Are you lacking in areas which would help you to feel more confident? If so, how can you develop these quickly and effectively? Who is good at these things who can help you?
How did you navigate them? What did you learn? And what would you repeat and do differently next time? Challenges from our home lives are as important as our work lives so don’t restrict yourself with this one.
Start small – confidence isn’t something that appears overnight (sadly). It comes from repeatedly doing small things to create small wins. Doing something once might temporarily boost your confidence. But doing positive things repeatedly will give your confidence a permanent lift.
We easily remember the things we fail at but we have to work a little harder to focus on things that have gone well. Even the smallest things make a difference – such as speaking up in a meeting or trying a new way of doing something. It doesn’t have to be enormous.
It’s important to remind our brain about what others have said, as our brain will so often focus on the negatives (and this includes the absence of any feedback) – so gather positive feedback about yourself or the work you’ve done regularly. It’s not being big headed, it’s crucial for your own learning and effectiveness.
People who will support you to take the next step, celebrate your successes and remind you of your value and strengths are important to have around you to cheer you on.
Lacking confidence is something we all experience in different point of our lives. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We can overcome it by being aware of it, and regularly taking the actions above to build and maintain it. And then the world is your oyster (or vegan alternative).
Kate works with leaders in ethical, purpose-led organisations to create happy, energised and productive teams. As an experienced facilitator and coach, she helps leaders to develop the mindset and skillset to create a place where people and the planet thrive.
Change starts with a conversation. If you’d like to discuss the leadership and management challenges you’re currently facing, contact Kate here for a chat: