As a coach, one of the most common areas I work with clients on is their limiting beliefs, because they are often the root cause of issues such as:
Someone once described limiting beliefs as an invisible cage around us that makes us feel trapped – helpless in our situation and hopeless that it can or will ever change. How can a belief be such a powerful influence on us?
A belief is simply a thought we hold to be true, but that requires no evidence. Helpful or positive beliefs can help us to fulfil our dreams or potential, nurture healthy relationships and have a positive impact on our communities and environment. However, some beliefs can be unhelpful – commonly known as limiting beliefs, they cause us to think in a way which holds us back.
The problem with our thoughts is that our brain believes them, regardless of how accurate they are, and then creates feelings as a result of those thoughts. So thinking, as my client did: “My boss doesn’t like me”, may cause feelings such as resentment, anger, cynicism. This in turn causes us to behave based on those feelings – often unconsciously. Over time, this can become a vicious circle, where unwittingly, our own behaviour is contributing to the very situation we want to get out of.
Some common consequences of limiting beliefs are:
There are a lot of clues that will indicate if you have a limiting belief about something.
Listening to the language of our thoughts can be a real give-away. Limiting beliefs often begin with
phrases such as:
Or words that are generalisations such as ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘they’. Or black and white thinking – where something is one extreme or another.
Examples I’ve heard myself and others use are: “I can’t have that conversation.” “My week has been totally rubbish.” “I have to stay late, otherwise people will think I’m not committed.”
Feelings are a great indicator that you may have a limiting belief and are in some ways easier to identify. Thoughts can be unconscious. Feelings cannot.
So, if you feel things such as:
…there is likely to be a limiting belief at work.
How we behave can also indicate limiting beliefs at work. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Luckily, we have a part of our brain (the pre-frontal cortex) which is able to think rationally, consider many options and use facts and data. It is this part of the brain that we can use to overcome and change our limiting beliefs for more helpful ones.
Ask yourself:
Ask yourself:
Ask yourself:
Evidence can include gathering feedback from others, observing behaviour, and thinking in grey e.g.rather than: “I’ve had a rubbish week,” think: “Tuesday morning wasn’t great, but the rest of the week was fine”.
In addition, focussing on the positives can mean the negative becomes much less significant.
Developing a growth mindset can be incredibly helpful in reframing limiting beliefs. The power of ‘not yet’ can help us to see possibilities and a more positive future than our limiting beliefs allow.
Examples include:
Our limiting beliefs often come from how we think others will perceive us. However, if we are clear in our minds about what our success will be, then our limiting beliefs cease to have power over us. For example, rather than getting a job or not getting a job, see it as an opportunity to practise your interview skills and show your best self.
With the client I mentioned, we worked on how she could spot times when her boss was behaving positively towards her, to counteract her belief that her boss didn't like her. We identified how her own behaviour was contributing to the situation, which she then amended. She also reframed her limiting thoughts to “I’m working on improving my relationship with my boss,” which helped her to see it as an ongoing process rather than a lost cause. She immediately felt better about how she perceived her boss and started to realise that her own brain had only focussed on the negative aspects of their relationship, rather than all of it. She started to proactively connect with her boss and had some fruitful conversations as a result. They're still working on it, but "never going to get on," has become "our relationship is getting better."
Some beliefs are lightly held, and easily challenged. Others are more deeply held and can take a long time to overcome. Sometimes people need help with beliefs which are difficult for them to challenge by themselves. Using a coach or therapist can be helpful to uncover your thought and behavioural patterns, and how to change them. You may find when overcoming a limiting belief that it’s stop/ start, and sometimes we go back to our old ways of thinking and behaving. But with a new awareness of our beliefs; using tools like the methods above and/or getting some professional help; and perseverance, we can make progress which will benefit us and those around us.
What beliefs are currently limiting you and how could you start to change them?
Photo by Leo_Visions on Unsplash
Check out these additional resources…
Watch:
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs | Rachel Wei | TEDxYouth@GrandviewHeights (youtube.com)
How to change your limiting beliefs for more success | Dr. Irum Tahir | TEDxNormal (youtube.com)
Read:
The ultimate guide to limiting beliefs from Tony Robbins
How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs (hbr.org)
The Chimp Paradox – Prof. Steve Peters
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen Covey
